To this day I still feel like I have no idea who I am as an artist though I believe I'm getting closer. I'm not the cool guy. I'm not the life of the party. I'm not the daring, bold, adventurous, turn up king. I'm just a guy. A guy that most people overlooked or looked thru. Never had great luck with women. Never had too many friends. Never fit in with any groups or cliques.
When I first started rapping my motivation was to get girls. Corny right? Haha, yeah I know. I can tell you this though it never worked. I've never had a woman approach me because of my music. No groupies, flings, or any of that because I rapped. Eventually I settled into the work life and my dreams more or less faded to the background. It's not like anybody cared or anything.
My dream was never something I was supposed to take serious you let my parents tell it. My mom thought it was a joke, and my dad didn't give a damn. His hopes for me were to go to business school and learn how to run one so that I could one day start a business for him. My brother's had their own lives and things going on and none of my friends were ever really serious.
Music became more of a mistress than my main squeeze. I often wonder where I would be today had my parents supported me? It's no wonder I feel like a loser now. I've done nothing of note. No spectacular stories of triumph or grandeur. What I do have is an often broken heart, a back full of stab wounds, and a thirst for success that drives me now to succeed just so I can throw it in the faces of everybody who didn't feel like I was worth the effort. The effort of being loved. The effort of being respected. The effort of showing loyalty.
You know what? Maybe that's who I am now. The spirit of vengeance. Kind of like a rapping ghost ryder. I dig it.
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